


Me

by AndWeMutate



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9530228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndWeMutate/pseuds/AndWeMutate
Summary: "We’d only just met but I felt…a connection with him. It may sound creepy, I guess, but I felt like he was going to become a very important person to me."Musings from the mind of Yosuke Hanamura, complete with a little self-loathing and the idea, the knowledge, that his 'partner' would be an important person to him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this about a year and a half ago. It seems almost...useless? I guess? But, I really do enjoy digging deeper into Yosuke's character and his relationship with the protagonist. It's a little shippy if you squint. 
> 
> Written while listening to "Noon as Dark as Midnight" by Lucero.

I thought he’d hate me when he saw the real me, when he knew what I was really like. Hell, _I_ hated me and what I was inside. When I was staring that…that _thing_ down, eye to eye, I felt like my heart stopped. He was saying things that I wished weren’t true. He said things that I hid away, things that I wanted to believe were just lies. He wasn’t me. He couldn’t be me. The things he said couldn’t be real. I couldn’t let them be real.

But they were real. He was me. All of these ugly truths were inside of me, as much as I hated to admit it. It hurt to accept it, to believe that that darkness lived within me…but what hurt more was that he was there to see it. He watched me. He watched me crumble and he watched me struggle and he watched me lie to myself. He saw the ugliest parts of me. I remember my chest feeling so tight and I remember thinking ‘ _He’s going to hate me_ ,’ over and over again. Facing myself was hard enough but having to face _him_ afterwards…

We’d only just met but I felt…a connection with him. It may sound creepy, I guess, but I felt like he was going to become a very important person to me.

Afterwards, I couldn’t look at him straight for a while. It hurt. It was this weird tension in my chest, this pounding in my head, and hiding it was the hardest part. I had to smile and act like everything was okay but in my head, I didn’t think it was. I thought that my true self had messed up something before it even had a chance to start.

Accepting something and liking something are totally different things to me, at least they were in the beginning. I understood that the shadow of me was still…me…but I hated it. I hated showing that side to him. I accepted that part of me but I just wish…it was something that I could hide. I wish I could hide it from the world, from him, and I wish…I wish…

I wish I didn’t hate myself so much for it.

I did learn something though. It took a while but I guess what’s important is that I learned it.

Even though I was so angry with myself for having those emotions, those feelings, in my heart…he wasn’t. He didn’t fault me for being human and he didn’t hate me for the things that I felt, the feelings that lingered in the darkest corner of my heart. In the beginning, I really didn’t know why his opinion mattered so much to me but knowing he didn’t hate me, knowing that he accepted me…it meant a lot to me. It made me feel like…I don’t know, like things were going to be okay. He made me feel strong. He made me feel like it was…okay to be flawed. I felt like it was okay to be weak and it was okay to lean on someone.

I wanted to lean on him. I wanted him to help me feel stronger.


End file.
